Need to create inclusivity for Adoption in Pakistan

By
Inaya Pasha

Adoption is a very common process in all countries and places including Pakistan. While it is a globally accepted phenomenon and is encouraged worldwide for the betterment of the future, Pakistan is still a country, not mature enough to grasp and fully understand the concept. Laws are in place, yet the whole procedure and practice are not defined due to the society’s lack of understanding and exposure.
While a global prospective showcases a totally different narrative of towards adoption, Pakistan has a closed ideation towards these systems. The cultural taboos of Pakistan have caused a “Good Deed” to be considered something that is negative
To understand this bias, we need to examine the traditions and culture, which are multi-layered and faceted. In a society where having a child is considered the be it and end all after the wedding. The question arises why it is such a taboo topic.
Our society is patriarchal, and while couples try to give in to familial pressure and conceive a child as soon as possible, as it is the expected outcome, a lot are unable to. The desire for a child might eventually lead towards other methods of begetting one. Hence, adoptions in Pakistan are kept quiet, brushed under the table so others don’t find out. The lengths people go to for adopting can be though the system, but due to patriarchal pressure, it is mostly done behind closed curtains.
So much so that the child is not even aware that they are not adopted, and when they do find out, unrealized trauma is caused by the truth of the situation. Not openly discussing it, creates a paradox of belief and non-belief, leaving the child in question in a state of flux, unable to comprehend what is true and not, at the same time losing their trust in those who they love.
This society needs to make it normal to talk about adopting, so the child knows that while they have biological parents, those parents could not be due to their circumstances support the child, thus the child was adopted, by a loving family who had everything but not the child they desired to such an extent. Sometimes love can create confusion, and love of a parent not wanting to lose their child by telling them the truth, is much more harmful and creates a much negative mental and emotional impact on the child’s wellbeing.
Normalize open discussions about uncomfortable topics, from adopting to self-acceptance and self-acknowledgement of ones own toxic traits. Without becoming uncomfortable one cannot grow. Normalize conversations about why, who and where, it will help create a bridge for the child to understand their current situation. A child needs to be acknowledged and validated to be told that they are special because they were a wish granted, not left behind, but desired by all and treasured by all. It was just the circumstances which remain shrouded in this intense mystery, creating a multitude of questions inside the child’s head.
Every adopted child deserves the truth, they deserve to be told about their beginnings, Islamic tradition allows adoption with the knowledge of where the child comes from, for a reason, to ensure that the child knows from day one who they are and should have knowledge of where they come from. This is so the child is aware and grows into the fact that they are adopted rather than it coming as a shock later in life, shattering all belief systems of the child.
Instead of making the child’s adoption taboo, clarify that it is not taboo, it was in fact, love and a great wish that was granted, when they were adopted by the family, they life with now. To tuck away origin stories, that remain untold creating a barrage of unanswered questions in the mind of the child, is not only unfair to the child but the whole family as a unit.
Scientific researchers have proven this that telling children where they come from and why they were adopted creates a positive environment along with providing the child with the confidence that they belong, because they are loved for who they are, and creates acceptance, warmth and understanding within the child towards both biological and adoptive parents.